Friday, December 17, 2004
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
A Very Serious, Formal Letter to George W. Bush
Happy World AIDS day!
Thanks for all your help. We know you've been working very hard for all victims of the virus all over the world. And even though I'm just a faggy unicorn and I know I can't speak for heterosexual black women, I feel pretty confident that they are especially pleased with all your hard work on their behalf. We know it's not easy. Keep up the good work ... you STUPID, CUNTY ASSHOLE!
Monday, November 22, 2004
i was thinking that it totally sucks that i haven't blogged about this before because i fucking respect the shit out of our native brothers and sisters, but i guess i was just too caught up in the election. so, i'm fucking sick to death of this abramoffesque exploitation of our native american friends. we owe so much to them, and we continue to screw them over. well, this little unicorn won't stand for it anymore (and when i say little, i'm not talking about my endowment because that's, like, obviously, you know, uh ... huge).
anyways, my buds and i were watching _the darl crystal_ last night. you know, just chilling and smoking a little bud, but this crazy analogy came to me, and i thought i should share it with you playas. so, take abramoff, reed, and scanlon, right? they're totally the fucking skeksis. i mean, evil, power-hungry, hateful. you get the point, i'm sure.
so, then who are the mystics? well, without being too reductive, the native americans, duh! and not because shamans are into crazy shit and they all live in sand castles, but because they're disenfranchised, declining in number, and really beautiful.
the analogy continues: all the little gelflings that have become slaves are like the christian right that keep voting against their financial interests, etc.
so, i guess the question is: where's jen? who the hell's gonna help out the mystics? how do we tumble the castle of the skeksis? well, playas, i guess i'll need to smoke another j before i can answer that one. later ...
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
"Quaint" is the New "Cute", or "Attorney General"
And I don't know much about the law, or whatever, but one time I had to sue this stupid guy who spilled his cheap-ass Merlot all over my new, sparkly white D&G sweater and suede loafers. Anyways, I had to totally Google a lawyer, and I learned that it's pretty run-of-the-mill for an attorney with a shred of credibility to have actually been published in a law journal or something. And, surprise, Gonzales hasn't been!
And if Ali G is confirmed, I swear to God I'll kick his ass! I don't go to the gym just for sex, Gonzales, so watch out!
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Never Stop Fighting!
It's a sad day. Pablo has passed from this world. Pablo certainly ruffled some feathers, but he was a good unicorn . . . and a brave soldier. We love you, Pablo. We'll miss you greatly!
We've got our work cut out for us. But we won't stop, and we know you won't either.
Here's a little history that you may be interested in.
Unicorns were birthed from Celtic myth. Believe it or not, there was a time when unicorns were connected with violence and war.
A long time ago, when either unmarried or adulterous women became pregnant, we were the creation that silly humans came up with to clear women's names. Yes, we know it's ridiculous, but it is true (Hell, even we know that Lisa Frank knew us a little bit better than those crazy Celts). We were called into being because people wanted to escape blame. Escape blame? Hmm, reminds me of a certain President.
Anyways, we came to exist . . as rapists.
Our kind has never raped a human. Our race has never raped, period. We are far too preoccupied with glitter and goodness and healthy activism. But, today, we're proud of our history.
Yes, today we realize that we can be that violent, and you better believe that we will be. We have the next four years to keep us busy in battle, and we encourage you to join us.
It's a scary time, friends. Let's fight together!
You One-Horned Fools
Fools, I hope you understand that money and power will forever triumph. Four more years! You'll practically all be gone by then! And, consequently, all will be won!
HA HA HA!
Soon, it will be as though you never existed at all!
Amor In Todos Los Languages
Pablo. . .
Je t'aime te amo
Ya tyibya I yublu
Ani ohevet othka
I love you
Te amo que los sonidos son todos tan diferentes como las tierras de las cuales vinieron y nuestras palabras son sin embargo todas Ãºnicas nuestros corazones siguen siendo iguales Estribillo: El amor en cualquier lengua derecho del corazÃ³n tira de nosotros todos juntos nunca aparte y una vez que aprendamos hablarlo todo el el mundo oirÃ¡ amor en cualquier lengua hablada fluido aquÃ EnseÃ±amos a jÃ³venes nuestras diferencias con todo mirada cÃ³mo we're iguales nosotros aprenden reÃr, para soÃ±ar nuestros sueÃ±os que sabemos que la picadura del dolor de Leningrad a Lexington los amors del granjero su tierra y papÃ¡s consigue todos misty eyed cuando Ã©l da su daughters' las manos y ahora realizamos quizÃ¡ que cuÃ¡nto allÃ debe compartir tenemos demasiado en el campo comÃºn para fingirlo isn't allÃ Estribillo: El amor en cualquier lengua derecho del corazÃ³n tira de nosotros todos juntos nunca aparte y una vez que aprendamos hablarlo todo el el mundo oirÃ¡ amor en cualquier lengua hablada fluido aquÃ Puente: Aunque el retÃ³rico de los gobiernos mayo nos guarda los mundos There's separado ningÃºn malinterpretar la lengua del corazÃ³n Estribillo: El amor en cualquier lengua derecho del corazÃ³n tira de nosotros todos juntos nunca aparte y una vez que aprendamos hablarlo todo el el mundo oirÃ¡ amor en cualquier lengua hablada fluido aquÃ