Unicorns Against Bush

We, the Unicorns of America, are very heartfully dedicated to ousting George W. Bush from the White House. He is an evil, derisive man whose very visage turns our stomachs. As you can imagine, as unicorns, we are anything but acclimated to this constant disgust, and we believe that electing John Kerry in November will allow us to return to the very happy, magical state to which we are accustomed. We will not rest until George W. Bush is no longer the President of the United States.

Friday, December 17, 2004

My Heart Is Broken.

Originally uploaded by Sparkles.
Send me your magic. Mine has fallen through the cracks...with my true love.

I'm sorry for the histrionics. I guess I'm just feeling blue.


Wednesday, December 01, 2004

A Very Serious, Formal Letter to George W. Bush

Originally uploaded by Sparkles.
Dear President Bush,

Happy World AIDS day!

Thanks for all your help. We know you've been working very hard for all victims of the virus all over the world. And even though I'm just a faggy unicorn and I know I can't speak for heterosexual black women, I feel pretty confident that they are especially pleased with all your hard work on their behalf. We know it's not easy. Keep up the good work ... you STUPID, CUNTY ASSHOLE!


Monday, November 22, 2004

native son

4:20 ha ha ha
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.
sup dudes?

i was thinking that it totally sucks that i haven't blogged about this before because i fucking respect the shit out of our native brothers and sisters, but i guess i was just too caught up in the election. so, i'm fucking sick to death of this abramoffesque exploitation of our native american friends. we owe so much to them, and we continue to screw them over. well, this little unicorn won't stand for it anymore (and when i say little, i'm not talking about my endowment because that's, like, obviously, you know, uh ... huge).

anyways, my buds and i were watching _the darl crystal_ last night. you know, just chilling and smoking a little bud, but this crazy analogy came to me, and i thought i should share it with you playas. so, take abramoff, reed, and scanlon, right? they're totally the fucking skeksis. i mean, evil, power-hungry, hateful. you get the point, i'm sure.

so, then who are the mystics? well, without being too reductive, the native americans, duh! and not because shamans are into crazy shit and they all live in sand castles, but because they're disenfranchised, declining in number, and really beautiful.

the analogy continues: all the little gelflings that have become slaves are like the christian right that keep voting against their financial interests, etc.

so, i guess the question is: where's jen? who the hell's gonna help out the mystics? how do we tumble the castle of the skeksis? well, playas, i guess i'll need to smoke another j before i can answer that one. later ...

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

"Quaint" is the New "Cute", or "Attorney General"

Originally uploaded by Sparkles.
So, yeah, as if the past week and a half wasn't traumatic enough for us fags, now we have the wonderful man who called The Geneva Convention "quaint" (thus encouraging the torture of detainees in Iraq and Guantanamo) nominated for attorney general. He's a total taint. Oh, fuck it, he's a cunt!

And I don't know much about the law, or whatever, but one time I had to sue this stupid guy who spilled his cheap-ass Merlot all over my new, sparkly white D&G sweater and suede loafers. Anyways, I had to totally Google a lawyer, and I learned that it's pretty run-of-the-mill for an attorney with a shred of credibility to have actually been published in a law journal or something. And, surprise, Gonzales hasn't been!

And if Ali G is confirmed, I swear to God I'll kick his ass! I don't go to the gym just for sex, Gonzales, so watch out!

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Never Stop Fighting!

Unicorn Group
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.
Listen friends.

It's a sad day. Pablo has passed from this world. Pablo certainly ruffled some feathers, but he was a good unicorn . . . and a brave soldier. We love you, Pablo. We'll miss you greatly!

We've got our work cut out for us. But we won't stop, and we know you won't either.

Here's a little history that you may be interested in.

Unicorns were birthed from Celtic myth. Believe it or not, there was a time when unicorns were connected with violence and war.

A long time ago, when either unmarried or adulterous women became pregnant, we were the creation that silly humans came up with to clear women's names. Yes, we know it's ridiculous, but it is true (Hell, even we know that Lisa Frank knew us a little bit better than those crazy Celts). We were called into being because people wanted to escape blame. Escape blame? Hmm, reminds me of a certain President.

Anyways, we came to exist . . as rapists.

Our kind has never raped a human. Our race has never raped, period. We are far too preoccupied with glitter and goodness and healthy activism. But, today, we're proud of our history.

Yes, today we realize that we can be that violent, and you better believe that we will be. We have the next four years to keep us busy in battle, and we encourage you to join us.

It's a scary time, friends. Let's fight together!

You One-Horned Fools

The Red Bull
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.
I have conquered your silly, little multicultural unicorn! What in the world will you do now?

Fools, I hope you understand that money and power will forever triumph. Four more years! You'll practically all be gone by then! And, consequently, all will be won!


Soon, it will be as though you never existed at all!

Amor In Todos Los Languages

Originally uploaded by Sparkles.
Yo am sorry, amigos. The Red Bull has taken mi vida. Yo have only minutos. Yo leave il world with dos requests. Take care of mis ninos and heed these words . . .

Te amo,
Pablo. . .

Je t'aime te amo
Ya tyibya I yublu
Ani ohevet othka
I love you
Te amo que los sonidos son todos tan diferentes como las tierras de las cuales vinieron y nuestras palabras son sin embargo todas únicas nuestros corazones siguen siendo iguales Estribillo: El amor en cualquier lengua derecho del corazón tira de nosotros todos juntos nunca aparte y una vez que aprendamos hablarlo todo el el mundo oirá amor en cualquier lengua hablada fluido aquí Enseñamos a jóvenes nuestras diferencias con todo mirada cómo we're iguales nosotros aprenden reír, para soñar nuestros sueños que sabemos que la picadura del dolor de Leningrad a Lexington los amors del granjero su tierra y papás consigue todos misty eyed cuando él da su daughters' las manos y ahora realizamos quizá que cuánto allí debe compartir tenemos demasiado en el campo común para fingirlo isn't allí Estribillo: El amor en cualquier lengua derecho del corazón tira de nosotros todos juntos nunca aparte y una vez que aprendamos hablarlo todo el el mundo oirá amor en cualquier lengua hablada fluido aquí Puente: Aunque el retórico de los gobiernos mayo nos guarda los mundos There's separado ningún malinterpretar la lengua del corazón Estribillo: El amor en cualquier lengua derecho del corazón tira de nosotros todos juntos nunca aparte y una vez que aprendamos hablarlo todo el el mundo oirá amor en cualquier lengua hablada fluido aquí