Unicorns Against Bush

My Heart Is Broken.

2004-12-17T18:51:00.000-08:00

sparkles
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Send me your magic. Mine has fallen through the cracks...with my true love.

I'm sorry for the histrionics. I guess I'm just feeling blue.

xoxoxo,
Sparkles

A Very Serious, Formal Letter to George W. Bush

2004-12-01T20:49:00.000-08:00

Mikey
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Dear President Bush,

Happy World AIDS day!

Thanks for all your help. We know you've been working very hard for all victims of the virus all over the world. And even though I'm just a faggy unicorn and I know I can't speak for heterosexual black women, I feel pretty confident that they are especially pleased with all your hard work on their behalf. We know it's not easy. Keep up the good work ... you STUPID, CUNTY ASSHOLE!

XOXOXO,
Mikey

native son

2004-11-22T11:39:00.000-08:00

4:20 ha ha ha
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

sup dudes?

i was thinking that it totally sucks that i haven't blogged about this before because i fucking respect the shit out of our native brothers and sisters, but i guess i was just too caught up in the election. so, i'm fucking sick to death of this abramoffesque exploitation of our native american friends. we owe so much to them, and we continue to screw them over. well, this little unicorn won't stand for it anymore (and when i say little, i'm not talking about my endowment because that's, like, obviously, you know, uh ... huge).

anyways, my buds and i were watching _the darl crystal_ last night. you know, just chilling and smoking a little bud, but this crazy analogy came to me, and i thought i should share it with you playas. so, take abramoff, reed, and scanlon, right? they're totally the fucking skeksis. i mean, evil, power-hungry, hateful. you get the point, i'm sure.

so, then who are the mystics? well, without being too reductive, the native americans, duh! and not because shamans are into crazy shit and they all live in sand castles, but because they're disenfranchised, declining in number, and really beautiful.

the analogy continues: all the little gelflings that have become slaves are like the christian right that keep voting against their financial interests, etc.

so, i guess the question is: where's jen? who the hell's gonna help out the mystics? how do we tumble the castle of the skeksis? well, playas, i guess i'll need to smoke another j before i can answer that one. later ...

"Quaint" is the New "Cute", or "Attorney General"

2004-11-10T16:33:00.000-08:00

Mikey
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

So, yeah, as if the past week and a half wasn't traumatic enough for us fags, now we have the wonderful man who called The Geneva Convention "quaint" (thus encouraging the torture of detainees in Iraq and Guantanamo) nominated for attorney general. He's a total taint. Oh, fuck it, he's a cunt!

And I don't know much about the law, or whatever, but one time I had to sue this stupid guy who spilled his cheap-ass Merlot all over my new, sparkly white D&G sweater and suede loafers. Anyways, I had to totally Google a lawyer, and I learned that it's pretty run-of-the-mill for an attorney with a shred of credibility to have actually been published in a law journal or something. And, surprise, Gonzales hasn't been!

And if Ali G is confirmed, I swear to God I'll kick his ass! I don't go to the gym just for sex, Gonzales, so watch out!

Never Stop Fighting!

2004-11-03T22:23:00.000-08:00

Unicorn Group
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Listen friends.

It's a sad day. Pablo has passed from this world. Pablo certainly ruffled some feathers, but he was a good unicorn . . . and a brave soldier. We love you, Pablo. We'll miss you greatly!

We've got our work cut out for us. But we won't stop, and we know you won't either.

Here's a little history that you may be interested in.

Unicorns were birthed from Celtic myth. Believe it or not, there was a time when unicorns were connected with violence and war.

A long time ago, when either unmarried or adulterous women became pregnant, we were the creation that silly humans came up with to clear women's names. Yes, we know it's ridiculous, but it is true (Hell, even we know that Lisa Frank knew us a little bit better than those crazy Celts). We were called into being because people wanted to escape blame. Escape blame? Hmm, reminds me of a certain President.

Anyways, we came to exist . . as rapists.

Our kind has never raped a human. Our race has never raped, period. We are far too preoccupied with glitter and goodness and healthy activism. But, today, we're proud of our history.

Yes, today we realize that we can be that violent, and you better believe that we will be. We have the next four years to keep us busy in battle, and we encourage you to join us.

It's a scary time, friends. Let's fight together!

You One-Horned Fools

2004-11-03T22:10:00.000-08:00

The Red Bull
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

I have conquered your silly, little multicultural unicorn! What in the world will you do now?

Fools, I hope you understand that money and power will forever triumph. Four more years! You'll practically all be gone by then! And, consequently, all will be won!

HA HA HA!

Soon, it will be as though you never existed at all!

Amor In Todos Los Languages

2004-11-03T22:03:00.000-08:00

Pablo
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Yo am sorry, amigos. The Red Bull has taken mi vida. Yo have only minutos. Yo leave il world with dos requests. Take care of mis ninos and heed these words . . .

Te amo,
Pablo. . .

Je t'aime te amo
Ya tyibya I yublu
Ani ohevet othka
I love you
Te amo que los sonidos son todos tan diferentes como las tierras de las cuales vinieron y nuestras palabras son sin embargo todas Ãºnicas nuestros corazones siguen siendo iguales Estribillo: El amor en cualquier lengua derecho del corazÃ³n tira de nosotros todos juntos nunca aparte y una vez que aprendamos hablarlo todo el el mundo oirÃ¡ amor en cualquier lengua hablada fluido aquÃ EnseÃ±amos a jÃ³venes nuestras diferencias con todo mirada cÃ³mo we're iguales nosotros aprenden reÃr, para soÃ±ar nuestros sueÃ±os que sabemos que la picadura del dolor de Leningrad a Lexington los amors del granjero su tierra y papÃ¡s consigue todos misty eyed cuando Ã©l da su daughters' las manos y ahora realizamos quizÃ¡ que cuÃ¡nto allÃ debe compartir tenemos demasiado en el campo comÃºn para fingirlo isn't allÃ Estribillo: El amor en cualquier lengua derecho del corazÃ³n tira de nosotros todos juntos nunca aparte y una vez que aprendamos hablarlo todo el el mundo oirÃ¡ amor en cualquier lengua hablada fluido aquÃ Puente: Aunque el retÃ³rico de los gobiernos mayo nos guarda los mundos There's separado ningÃºn malinterpretar la lengua del corazÃ³n Estribillo: El amor en cualquier lengua derecho del corazÃ³n tira de nosotros todos juntos nunca aparte y una vez que aprendamos hablarlo todo el el mundo oirÃ¡ amor en cualquier lengua hablada fluido aquÃ

Keep Fighting Little Buddies!

2004-11-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

sparkles
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Oh no you don't, Red Bull!

You're not defeating us this time. You may be evil and powerful, but you're no match for our goodwill, love of humanity, and sparkle/magic! You may think that just because you've got all the strength you can stop us. But let me tell you, motherfucker, we don't love the Care Bears Movie for nothing! We've got all the heart, and we'll fight you to the death, you ugly cretin!

Or did you forget? They don't call me the Left-Wing War Unicorn for nothing!

HA HA HA!

2004-11-02T19:04:00.000-08:00

The Red Bull
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

You silly unicorns. You are useless. I will conquer you again! HA HA HA!

Try as you might, you insignificant little fools, George W. Bush will win this election!

HA HA HA!

who let the wolves out, man?

2004-10-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

4:20 ha ha ha
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

thanks to our good friend xydexx (who i'll totally sponsor if he wants to pledge SAE), we came across yet another example of the right-wing spin machine's reterritorialization of our earthly treasures. are we really surprised that the bushies want to make wolves the new terrorists? maybe not.

but the wolves are fighting back, man, and that's what we love to see:

http://www.wolfpacksfortruth.org/

later dudes.

Sometimes, Unicorns Cry Too

2004-10-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

Unicorn Group
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

This is a collective post because we all feel very strongly about it.

Sparkles was on the phone with Sparkles' mother today, and Sparkles found out that she is an undecided voter. Obviously, It made Sparkles sad. Of course, we all rallied to Sparkles side, but Sparkles hasn't been able to spread magical, politically-charged glitter/magic ever since. And then, Sparkles found a blog full of fictions and hate (eg, refinerscrucible.blogspot.com), and (of course) it only worsened things. We've tried everything to make Sparkles feel better, but it's not working. We need your support -- VOTE KERRY!

Our opponents have a very persuasive, although uninformed, rhetoric. They are many. But you've got to help us persuade Sparkles that we are more! No matter what you think of us, please help Sparkles! Sparkles has been our strength and inspiration for weeks. Sparkles doesn't believe in politics. Sparkles believes in hope and the human spirit. Sparkles is suffering from those that choose to be uninformed either for convenience or economic health (ie, those who sacrifice their moral responsibility). Convenience and finance are not what we were brought up to believe in. We had a time of it fighting the Red Bull, and, if we know anything, we know that money and comfort are superfluous and transient. Please, humans, resist the urge to sit back and let things happen to you. This is serious. It's up to you. We'll be the first to admit that Kerry's not the best, but, believe us (AND WE ARE FUCKING UNICORNS!), he's the better choice.

Sparkles is symptomatic of our species. We can't survive another four years! If you care anything for magic or glitter or hope, you've got to help. Heck, if you care anything for yourself, your planet, and your world, you'll help. Our beautiful nation can't take another four years of George W. Bush. Speak out! Stand up! and please, please VOTE KERRY!

Love,
Unicorns Against Bush

Debates are too cute!

2004-10-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

sparkles
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Hey Friends!

I hope you're all getting ready for the final debate this evening. We here at UAB are hoping that Bush snorts some blow before the debates again tongiht. We just loved his grinding teeth last week. Plus, white powder is almost as cute as glitter!

Well, friends, I'm heading down to Florida to do my swing state duty. Hopefully, the voters down there will be open to talking to me about why they should vote for Kerry this election. I think I'll fit in well with the Floridian color scheme. I just love pastels! Not to mention sea shells!

Just in case any of you are thinking about travelling to swing states as well. You may want to check out D4D: http://www.downtownfordemocracy.org/archives/2004/10/ohio_van_trips.html.

Ok, friends. Have a super Wednesday!

XOXOXO,
Sparkles

Re: Pablo

2004-10-11T17:13:00.000-07:00

Mikey
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Listen, Pablo, I totally don't know what you're talking about. I have, like, nothing to add to what you said, and, if anything, I totally agree with those guys who posted. Why can't you just , like, clean yourself up, get a good white-collar job, and move to the suburbs?

Anyways, y'all, I've met this totally great guy. He's soo hot, and I've got to run meet him at the club. But, don't worry, I'll be back in a couple of days!

Ciao,
Mikey

Can Yo Be a Soccer Mom? Hell NO!

2004-10-11T17:00:00.000-07:00

Pablo
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Hola amigos.

Yo have a muy important posto hoy. Yo have read the mean-spirited commentos on my last posto, and this is why Yo have not made another. Yo was thinking.

Primero, Yo would like to state the obviouso. Don't accuse Sparkles or anyone else of writing my postos, because Yo am the solo autor of my own postos. Yo am not some fucking co-autoring Paris Hilton!

Secondo Charlie y Brandon, if mi postos are "counterproductive," they are solo so because of your narrow world-view. Like El George, you have proven yourself incapable of viewing or experiencing other culturos outside of the very narrow lens with which your culturo provided you. Que is wrong with enjoying Taco Bell, immigrating on a raft, or driving an El Camino? Que is wrong with mi heritage except that it is different than yours!

Perhaps you two can better explain to Yo how Yo can be just like you. Perhaps Yo can have premium cable and not make Maria hold the aluminum foil up to the rabbit ears, huh? Perhaps Yo can drive mi SUV to pick up mis ninos at soccer practice instead of letting them walk the several milos to the laundromat? Perhaps Yo can habla about how well "American Beauty" criticized contemporary life instead of watching the George Lopez sitcom, huh?

Well, FUCK YOU. Yo no want to do those things. Yo believe that the USA is a place for diversidad, and Yo believe that to achieve this diversidad which at the moment hangs in the balance (no gracias to you Charlie y Brandon), Yo must vote for el John Kerry and get those white, suburban, assimilationist conos out of the White House.

Yo got a bit worked up. Lo siento. But Yo believe that Mikey might have a thing or two to say about this, so Yo am signing off for now.

It's SO Obvious

2004-10-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

4:20 ha ha ha
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

ok, dudes. i only have one thing to say: Mount St. FUCKIN Helens!!!!

is it not absurdly obvious to everyone that the land this country stands on is fucking angry with how we're treating it? and she's fighting back, dude.

hopefully, this is just a warning, but, let me tell you guys, i think that if we don't make some major changes to our environmental policy and get that ugly motherfucker out of the white house, then there's gonna be serious hell to pay.

she should be angry, dude. i've definately seen clips from 1980 on my ibook, and i swear that helen's shit is crazy. we don't want her to blow her top again. so let's get w off our payroll, get ourselves off our asses, and perform some responsible, ass-kicking where it needs to be done.

you can make changes, man. it's like when i joined my fraternity, i was totally dismayed by all the SUVs my brothers' drove, but as a pledge, i was too scared to say anything. finally, i got fed up, started a campaign around the house, and now only fat-fuck larry still has his range rover - - but we don't give him too much shit because he's fucking gargantuan. no one should have to walk with that much weight on two legs, man.

anyway, dudes, you see my point. get out there and make a change. vote kerry.

before helen erupts all over our sorry asses. peace.

Gearing Up for the Debate-a-thon!

2004-09-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

sparkles
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Hello Friends!

Well, I'll tell you. It's been a crazy week for us unicorns. I haven't been to the Enchanted Forest in ages; I've been too busy spreading politically-charged magic sparkles across the country!

I hope you've enjoyed meeting Pablo, Colin, and Mikey. Their introductory blogs may seem a little different, but, trust me, they are some very bright unicorns and I can't wait for y'all to know them a little bit bettter.

Ok, friends, I'm off. Be sure to watch the debates tongiht. In case you notice the little gleam in Kerry's eye, you're welcome!

XOXOXO,
Sparkles

my dick would make a better vice president

2004-09-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

4:20 ha ha ha
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

sup dudes?

name's colin, and i am totally against bush. well, not all bush, but you know what i mean. ha ha. no, seriously. i was talking to a couple of my frat brothers at the last phish show (dude, if you weren't there, you missed the sweetest "you enjoy myself" jam!), and they made me realize that the bush regime is out to get the environment, man. they totally don't give a shit about our mother nature and everything she gives us . . . like some sweet-ass herb!!!

no, this is serious. it's like he thinks he owns the country and all its assets. like my roommate: he thinks that i shouldn't smoke bud in our dormroom, but i'm like, "dude, it's my room too. we're in college, just buy a fucking fan. right?" but the problem is, there's no fan we as a nation can buy to disperse the anti-environmental initiatives of this presidency - - we can't get his stench out of our dormroom. that's why i join sparkles, the fag, and the mexican (i think) in supporting john kerry this election. if you don't know that you're voting for kerry this november, all i want is for you to really look deep inside yourself - - to that place that's earthy, primitive - - and i believe that your deep connection to our universal mother will tell you what to do. she needs our help, man. vote kerry!

El George Bush es un monstruo!

2004-09-19T15:18:00.000-07:00

Pablo
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Hola Amigos.

Me llamo Pablo, and Yo am very pleased to meet you. Yo am pleased to join Mikey and Sparkles in denouncing el George Bush. He has done nothing for me and my seven ninos since we got here. Poor Maria, my wife, slaves herself to put some enchiladas on the table, but somehow it never seems to be enough. Pobrecita.

When mia familia finally got off the raft, Yo hoped to give mis ninos a better chance at prosperity, but with health care so expenisive that only il Dio can afford to keep his family healthy, we haven't been able to get our hooves on the ground. All my son Juan needs is to be taken to the hospital, but we have to keep him quarantined in the basement because we can't afford to take him! Nosotros can barely even afford to put gas in the El Camino - - much less grab a taste of home at Taco Bell.

It is el Geroge Bush that Yo blame. He has created an economia that favors the wealthy and couldn't give two pesos about anyone else. This November, if my papers finally clear, Yo pledge not to vote for el George. Yo encourage you all to join me in electing el John Kerry to President. If nosotros work together, nothing can stop us! Join los unicornos y Yo, and we will win! Then we will make party!

I Don't Put Out for Republicans

2004-09-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

Mikey
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

OMG, hey everyone!

My name's Mikey, and I am, like, so happy to help get that ugly breeder out of the White House. I mean, seriously, shove your Federal Marriage Ammendment up your ass, you stupid cunt.

Anyways, so I went to New York City for the protests, right, because there were some hot parties to go to, you know. There was this one at this hot club called Splash Bar where I met this guy (who was like so cute!!!), and we totally hit it off because we don't like republicans, right?

Well, so we went back to his place to fool around, you know? And I knew something was up when I saw his nasty ass, plaid, Martha Stewart bedspread (I know, like, what self-respecting homosexual shops at WalMart, right?!) And he totally had this, like, program from the RNC on his bedside table. So, I was like, "Honey, I can't sleep with you!" and I went to XL. It was totally crazy!

OMG, I am, like, so late for the gym! I have the cutest trainer.

More Unicorns!

2004-09-17T09:48:00.000-07:00

sparkles
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Hey Everyone!
I'm sorry that we've been out of commission for so long. I was working hard to bring some more unicorns into the UAB fold! As you can probably imagine, everyone here in the Enchanted Forest is a little scared to speak up.

Well, you know me, I did a little hoof-twisting (comprising, actually he he), and some of my friends finally decided to join UAB officially as commentators (under the condition that we don't use actual photos but artist's renditions). Ok, everyone, get ready for some more unicorns!!

XOXOXO,
Sparkles

Our Battle Song

2004-09-03T17:05:00.000-07:00

Hey Everyone.

We just wanted y'all to have the lyrics to our battle song -- maybe you can use them too! We hope that in November we'll be able to sing it without the irony. Well, we want to thank Luther Vandross, Michael Jackson, and Nipsey Russel for all their great work, and we encourage you to find a copy of the song. If we find a link to a music blog with this song on it, you bet we'll let you know! Ok, here's "A Brand New Day"!

Everybody look around
'Cause there's a reason to rejoice you see
Everybody come out
And let's commence to singing joyfully
Everybody look up
And feel the hope that we've been waiting for

Everybody's glad
Because our silent fear and dread is gone
Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself to check it out
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?

Everybody be glad
Because the sun is shining just for us
Everybody wake up
Into the morning into happiness

Hello world
It's like a different way of living now
And thank you world
We always knew that we'd be free somehow
In harmony
And show the world that we've got liberty

It's such a change
For us to live so independently
Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself to check it out
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?

Everybody be glad
Because the sun is shining just for us
Everybody wake up
Into the morning into happiness
Hello world
It's like a different way of living now
And thank you world
We always knew that we'd be free somehow
In harmony
And show the world that we've got liberty

It's such a change
For us to live so independently
Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself to check it out
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?

Unicorns Against Bush!

2004-09-03T13:02:00.000-07:00

sparkles
Originally uploaded by Sparkles.

Hello Friends!

My name is Sparkles the (Mystical Left-Wing War) Unicorn, and I'm very pleased to meet you. I know that I may seem like an average, simple, stuffed fantasy crerature to the untrained eye, but you better believe I'm out spreading mystical left-wing war joy/glitter by night! This appearance is just my disguise during the day. With Dubya as President, I bet you can guess that I better wear a mask before he cracks that Patriot Act whip on my magical patootie!

We at Unicorns Against Bush are a merry horde of unicorns dedicated to ousting that evil man who calls himself the President of the United States of America. No Siree, we do not like George Bush one little bit, and we certainly aren't voting for him this coming election. We, the Unicorns of America, are in full support of John Kerry. We especially favor his elongated face as it reminds us a little bit of ourselves. Well friends, that's my short introduction. I hope you enjoy our site!

XOXOXOXO,
Sparkles